Women Have Expectations About You

I was reading through some of my older stories, deciding which ones to upload next, and realized that I could have slept with at least two or three new women each week in college. I didn’t sleep with most of the women I interacted with because of one reason and one reason only: I was not living up to their expectations about me. Before you even speak to a woman, you immediately get categorized, and women set general expectations about how you should behave. Overstep those expectations, and you get blown-out and cut-off.

What you generally don’t expect, is for women to do the same if you don’t live-up to those expectations either. They might not blow you out or cut you off, but the interaction will generally fizzle out, whether it’s now or later on down the line. I think this is the problem that many attractive men have with women. They get the immediate interest from women, but can’t manage to turn that interest into lays or a relationship. This was the case with both Smilez and Big Country from the old blog; they were two 6’4″ pretty boy white guys who couldn’t get laid. They were both virgins when we first met, always got a ton of interest from women, but it would never amount to anything.

My best nights and interactions with women were when I went full-blown aggressive with women: making-out, not taking any crap from them, pushing for sex, etc. When I did those things, I felt unstoppable. Anytime I tried to tone it down, be nice, or go for a relationship or date, it would almost always fizzle-out. To me, it was just incredibly frustrating. Why couldn’t I just go about things the way a normal guy could?

If you look like you should be a slayer and don’t behave the way they are expecting a slayer to behave, women will think that something is wrong with you and lose interest, especially if everything else about your behavior says that you should be one. Behave like a slayer should, and you will get laid. Now some may think that this applies to every guy, but that is not the case. The same kind of behavior would be frowned upon if you’re not as attractive. That’s why quickly escalating doesn’t work for everyone.

If you are an attractive guy, women are expecting you to quickly escalate, even if they are intending on rejecting you initially. They are also expecting you to be super confident and maybe even a little arrogant and full of yourself. Yes, you are attractive, but if your behavior doesn’t say the same, it’s just as bad as not being attractive at all. Women want to see behavior that is congruent with the way that they are expecting you to behave.

Rareness Can Substitute For Attractiveness

I was reflecting on the story about the identical twins and it made me realize something: rareness can substitute for attractiveness. I was not all that attracted to them, and the two swingers that I previously slept with were much more attractive than they were. The twins had two things going for them

  1. They were rare.
  2. I had not slept with them already.

In my eyes, they were more desirable than the swingers, even though they weren’t as attractive. As a result, I had pursued them with tunnel vision, while ignoring any and all other options. I just had to have them.

This brings me back to my personal life with women in general. Overall, I’ve had a pretty easy time with them. Not necessarily because I am the most attractive guy in the room, but because I am attractive and rare. For the most part, I run in mostly white circles and avenues. Now combine that with the stereotypical connotations about black men.

For a moment, imagine that you are a woman that has never or rarely slept with “x” type of man, whether “x” is race, eye color, country, etc. Now imagine that not only does one present himself to you, but he is also attractive. What do you think is going to happen, especially if she’s always been curious? In many cases, she is going to get tunnel vision, and make it as easy as possible to sleep with her, even if she isn’t interested in a relationship. You don’t think she is going to want to check that one off of her bucket list and maybe even brag to her friends about it later?

All of that may even cause women to ignore men that are even more attractive than you are, if you’re rare and have positive stereotypes associated with you. The game is all about value. And if a woman knows that regular attractive guys are a dime a dozen, while you are maybe a once in a lifetime opportunity, even if you’re not as attractive as the other guys, you will still have more value in the eyes of many women, simply because they don’t know when or if they’ll ever get the opportunity again.

Why Self-Improvement Doesn’t Work

I’ve been blogging on and off for about thirteen years and in that time, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone self-improve to get any kind of substantial results. I’ve seen people get their first big boy job coming out of college, but that’s about it. When I actually stop and think about it, I am the only person I know that has self-improved on any kind of substantial level. There might be a few other people, but none of them come to mind at the moment. That begs the question: why is it so difficult to self-improve?

From my experience, there are three keys to self-improvement, the first of which is giving-up your social life and friends. It sounds stupid, but when I faced impossible odds of owing my university $7000 (while making minimum wage), getting back into University after being kicked out, and working two full-time jobs and going to school (full-time) at the same time, there was no room for error. I didn’t have time to go out with friends or let their decisions influence me and the path I was on. Most people will not sacrifice their social life and friends to get to the next level, hence they fail when they try to make and kind of noticeable self-improvement. I saw my friends maybe twice over a period of 2-3 years.

The second key was money. It will be next to impossible to self-improve without pouring a substantial amount of money into yourself. Even when I was dirt poor, I poured every extra cent into either school or working-out. I didn’t put on thirty pounds of muscle by just working-out alone. I invested a substantial amount of money into workout equipment and spent nearly all of my free money at the time on supplements and extra food. I think I was spending around $400 per month. Most people don’t want to invest in themselves on any kind of substantial level, especially if it isn’t immediately noticeable, hence, they fail.

The third key was time and focusing on just one thing at a time. Before I got huge, I spent a lot of time playing around in the gym. It wasn’t until I dedicated all of my free time to working-out did I finally get huge; I was spending 2-3 hours in the gym. The same goes for making money. I dedicated all of my free time to my money situation and that’s what got me to six-figures. Most people will not give-up everything and use all of their free time to focus on just one thing at a time, hence, they fail.

I’m not going to keep yapping on about sacrifice, but I just wanted to give you an idea of why you’re not improving, if you’re trying to self-improve. It most likely requires giving-up your social life and current circle of friends, giving-up all of your time to focus on just one thing, and pouring a ton of your money into investing in yourself. Most people aren’t willing to pay that price, hence, they fail. That’s why self-improvement doesn’t work for most people.

Unattractive Women Have Their Purpose

I was walking through the mall and saw two different very young couples where the guy was clearly more attractive than the woman, and thought to myself: “What the hell is wrong with these guys? Don’t they realize that they can clearly do better?”. The girls were very unattractive. After things settled, and I had time to gather my thoughts, I realized that even though the girls were unattractive and the guys may have even been embarrassed to be seen with them, the guys were making a very smart move by dating these women.

Why? These guys were getting valuable experience that a lot of guys, particularly incels, don’t get because their standards are too high. Let me give you a little rundown of what happens:

  1. Guy sets his standards too high too early.
  2. Guy misses out on valuable experience with women.
  3. Guy becomes socially awkward around women in general.
  4. Guy approaches or gets approached by an attractive woman that meets his standards.
  5. Guy completely fumbles his chance just because of his lack of experience with talking to women or handling situations with women.

It’s an endless loop all because he set his standards too high too soon. It’s incredibly rare for a guy to just start slaying attractive women. What usually happens is that a guy slays almost whatever women come his way, he gets valuable experience, dates the occasional attractive woman, and then starts slaying with nothing but attractive women. Why? Because of his experience with unattractive women, he knows how to talk to women and handle situations with women when those hot women do come along. He builds up experience until he no longer has to deal with unattractive women.

It was an eye opener for me when I was young. I was one of those guys that wanted nothing to do with a girl unless she was my version of a nine or ten. As a result, I didn’t get a lot of experience with women. And when a very attractive women would show interest or come on to me, I would completely fumble the situation because I didn’t know how to deal with it in any kind of natural manner. It wasn’t until I started talking to and sleeping with women that weren’t up to my usual standards here and there did I learn how to deal with the hot women on any kind of consistent basis.

That is why you see some regular-looking guys slaying with very attractive women, while incels and even some Chads, have a difficult time slaying attractive women with any kind of consistency. Because of their super high standards early on, they miss out on valuable experience with women in general, and if they wait too long, social awkwardness with women becomes locked into their personality, and they never learn how to talk to or deal with attractive women when they come along. Unattractive women have their purpose, and their purpose is for you to build-up experience with women.

Women Don’t Need To Be Attracted

When we think of attraction in the traditional sense, we tend to think looks, money, and status. We think that women need to be attracted to the men that they date and that they will show indicators of interest. Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t always the case. Women sleep with and date men that they aren’t even attracted to, and not just because of money or some other material need.

What gives me the authority to speak on something like this? My ex-wife is and has always been a lesbian. In spite of that fact, she did not want me to divorce her and she continued to sleep with me for years afterwards. But why would she marry and sleep with a guy that she isn’t even attracted to? She was a small girl and I offered protection; people in general were afraid of me, and she knew it. Her family liked me, for the most part. And I was also a really good father to our child.

In another example, a girl dumped me over race. She will be the first to tell you that she is only attracted to black guys. In spite of that, she went out and dated a white guy after me. She admitted that she wasn’t even attracted to the guy. You know why she dated white guys when she is only attracted to black guys? Black guys were too confident and it made her feel insecure. My current wife is also only attracted to black guys, but also tried dating white guys just because they asked her out; she even tried dating an overweight guy once.

Why would these women date guys that they aren’t even attracted to and have shown no interest in? Because there is some need or shortcoming in the girl herself that isn’t getting met. When a woman pairs up with a man, it isn’t always boiled down to just attraction, status, or money. Maybe she is small and just needs a big guy to protect her. Maybe she is indecisive and just needs a confident guy to make decisions for her. Maybe she is insecure and just wants a less attractive man to feel better about herself. Maybe she has a kid and just wants a good father for her kid, even if he doesn’t have a lot of money. Maybe she works crazy hours, makes a lot of money, and just wants a guy she can trust at home. Or maybe she is just one of those girls that can’t stand being single and dates the first normal guy to ask her out.

Sometimes, you just need to talk to a girl and find out if you’re the guy for her, even if she isn’t showing signs of interest or particularly attracted to you. You don’t know what her current situation is. There are more nuances to the game than just looks, money, and status. Often, it is more important to be able to have a casual conversation, with no outcome in mind, and just feel out a woman’s situation because you might just be the guy for her, even if she isn’t showing the traditional signs of interest or attraction.

Distance Is Not An Excuse

We always hear men whine about how they can’t find women to date because they live in some small town in the middle of nowhere. We also hear about how great things are in places like NYC, where the women vastly outnumber the men. While distance may matter when it comes to instantaneous sex or being able to immediately go on a date, it doesn’t really matter in terms of dating. From my experience, women will travel anywhere to date the right guy, and some may even be willing to do the same for just sex.

Before I met my wife, I had two different girls driving from two hours away to come sleep with and date me, I had a girl flying all the way from Europe to do the same, I had a girl contact me all the way from North Carolina, I had two girls in Colombia, one of whom flew all the way to the US to see me, I had two girls in Brazil, and Chocolate Chip Eyes from the old blog was driving two hours to see me every weekend. I also went on dates with two different girls that had previously drove three hours to go see a guy.

Women just don’t care about distance if they are into a guy. They will go as far as they need to go to get him. And you don’t necessarily have to be a Chad for them to do it. Some women are just tired of their local dating pool, there aren’t enough men in it, they want something different, and some will do anything for love. A lot of them also don’t mind driving or make enough money to where buying a plane ticket isn’t going to hurt their bank account; women love traveling anyway.

With the rise of online dating, long distance dating is easy, especially if the women are the ones doing the traveling. Personally, I wasn’t really willing to drive more than five miles to date; ten miles was pushing it for me, but if women were willing to do the traveling, then I was all for it. You also have to realize that there are a lot of women in small towns just looking for an excuse to visit or move to a larger city, and they’re willing to go the distance for it. The same goes for women living outside of your country, if you live somewhere desirable.

There are no excuses not to expand your reach with women. Even if you aren’t willing to do the traveling yourself, some will do it for you. If you aren’t having much luck locally, or if you just want to supplement your current dating prospects with the occasional long distance girl, I would highly recommend it. In this day and age of the internet, there really is no reason for a man to be lonely and not have a constant stream of women.

When You Ignore A Woman

I sporadically delete all of my text messages, but was kind of wishing I still had the texts of a few girls spazzing out because I was ignoring them. Although I don’t have my old text messages, I did find this gem when going through an old social media file I downloaded before deleting my profile. It shows how most women react if you continue to ignore them. This is from a girl that I will eventually write a story about. It looks like I had her drop off food for me and then proceeded to completely ignore her. She logged on and saw that I was recently active. Let’s go ahead and call her Liddy for now:

Women Can Be Romanced

With this huge emphasis on looks, men tend to think that if you are not Chad, then you have absolutely no shot with women. It’s like they completely forgot that women don’t just go for looks. Men tend to forget that just because they are focusing on platforms that are based on instant acceptance or rejection, like Tinder and cold approaching, that women can still be won over in the longer term. I blame this on social isolation and a general lack of social skills. Contrary to the popular belief of the current generation of men, women can be won over and romanced over the longer term.

First, a little bit of history. The girl I lost my virginity to initially showed no interest in me, my ex wife showed no interest and hated my guts, Cheeseman from the old blog initially rejected me, Freckles initially rejected me, Jessica initially rejected me, and a number of women initially rejected me. All either came around to being open to dating me, or ended-up in bed with me. The facts just show that women can be won over if given enough time. You don’t have to be their version of Chad. If you don’t have a lot of glaring flaws, and have good social skills and confidence, women can be won-over.

A woman can initially reject you for any number of reasons. She could have another guy in mind, she could not be quite comfortable with you yet, you could not be the type of guy she typically dates, she could not be ready to date, she could be going through personal issues, she could not want to hop straight into a high pressure date situation, and sometimes, she just wants to be romanced and won over. Not every woman wants to have to instantly make a decision about a guy, and if you try to force them to do so, they will reject said guy by default, before having a chance to decide whether she likes him or not.

Back to what I said, if you don’t have a lot of glaring flaws, and seem like a confident guy with a decent personality, many women will take the “let’s wait and see what happens” approach to you (and other men). Not every woman is some kind of shallow person that rejects every man based on top-notch Chadly appearances alone. If it isn’t dating apps forcing women to do so, it’s men, by forcing women into these instant yes or no situations where they don’t have a chance to feel things out and be won over. And really, the only way to circumvent those situations is to be in a woman’s social circle and slowly win her over.

Most of today’s men wouldn’t know the aforementioned because most of them have crappy social skills and are socially isolated. Most men have probably never heard a woman say “I’m starting to have feelings for you” because they don’t have any female friends, and if they do, they have never tried to slowly win them over in any kind of meaningful way. Most men have never had a female friend just unexpectedly start kissing them out of nowhere because they didn’t use the friend zone as an excuse to be a spineless loser that is too afraid to let his intentions be known.

Talk To Your Neighbors

When it comes to the game, there is always a lot of talk about social circles, how to build them, and how to use them to get laid. Inevitably, someone mentions how difficult it is to find social activities and build a social circle that they can utilize. You also see a lot of socially isolated types complaining about the lack of results when it comes to online dating. If you find yourself in any of those situations or asking the same questions, then how do you change your situation, and more importantly, how do you do it almost effortlessly?

You do it by talking to your neighbors. Back when I first went to college, I built a massive social circle and slept with some of the women within it by simply talking to my neighbors. I talked to everyone on my floor when I saw them, and there were even weekends where I would walk down to the lobby for awhile and talk to whomever was around and open to talking. It was that simple, and there was nothing special about it. If you simply talk to your neighbors, after while, you will be known and have an instant social circle, while getting the occasional lay due to sheer proximity.

The best part about it is that it creates a no pressure situation. No pressure about getting a phone number, no pressure to make something happen, and no pressure about whether or not you’re going to come off as the creepy guy. Just conversation with a little bit of fun thrown in every now and then. People like talking to you enough, then they eventually start chatting you up first, inviting you places, and every now and then finding yourself in situations where sex can happen or a relationship can develop. You know that you are going to run into the same people again, so the pressure just isn’t there to “make a move” too soon.

After college, I lived in a place that had four different swimming pools, apartments for various income levels, a bar, volleyball court, and a gym all within the same complex. This was in addition to the complex hosting constant activities and parties for residents and their friends. It was as close to living in a college dorm as you could get without being on campus. As a result, it attracted a lot of young single people and encouraged them to interact with each other. If you were a half-decent guy and weren’t making friends and getting the occasional lay, it was because you weren’t trying.

It’s never really talked about when people discuss sex and dating chances, but a lot of your success, or lack thereof, has to do with where you live and whether or not you talk to your neighbors when you see them. That’s why it’s important to live someplace where there are a lot of single people around your age in close proximity to each other; even better if you live somewhere that facilitates social interaction. You really don’t want to be living someplace where no one talks to anyone, and isn’t really conducive to social interaction. The same goes for living in a family area or apartment complex that doesn’t really facilitate social interaction. Areas like those won’t be doing your social life any favors.

Why The Friend Zone Matters

The friend zone always sounds like this dreaded place where no guy wants to be. I already covered how the friend zone isn’t all bad in a previous post somewhere, but I also want to cover why it is good, even if you aren’t in that grey area of being between a definite no or yes. The ultimate question that guys want to know is “Do women sleep with unattractive men that are in the friend zone?”. Based on past experience, I would have to say yes. If you are good enough to get into a woman’s friend zone, then you are good enough for her to sleep with.

Notice that I didn’t say date. In some kind of weird bizarro fashion, not only are women okay having one-night stands with Chad, but they are also okay doing the same with men that they would never date, especially unattractive men. It sounds crazy, but it happens. These are guys that they might not want to be seen with, not okay to have around their social circle or family, and men that they might not even find attractive.

This was the case with Appleface from my old stories. We messed around a lot and she always brought me around certain groups of her friends. She, however, would never date me, mostly because of race. Her brother and other people from her hometown were outright racist, and she wasn’t shy about letting me know it. As a result, we messed around on and off for years, but never dated or got into a relationship.

But what about men that are outright unattractive? Women sleep with them too. We already covered being in the right circle of friends and said women known to sleep with anyone in that social circle that tries, but something similar also happens with normal women in the friend zone too. Women sleep with an unattractive man due to the right timing and it being nothing more than sex.

This happened in two of my older stories. There is an old story with Puerto Rico, The Librarian, her friend, and myself. I’m not sure if I mentioned it, but they were outright making fun of how ugly a guy was that the friend slept with; making faces of how ugly he was and laughing about it. It also happened in a story with Flattybuns. She slept with this scrawny loser that kept trying to date her. She laughed about it and wrote it off as a one time thing, as she would never, ever, date the guy.

How do these guys get into these scenarios? Believe it or not, they are just really cool dudes with good personalities. Outside of being ugly, they aren’t all that bad. These are the guys that people like talking to and hanging out with, but women say they will never, ever, sleep with. They might not be the first pick for sex, or even the last pick in terms of a relationship, but under the right circumstances, these guys do occasionally get laid by the women they pursue, even if it is just a one time thing. Sometimes, women are just horny, and will sleep with an ugly man, because it’s easy, they are familiar with the guy, it’s right there in front of them right now, and they know they won’t be rejected or have to work for it.