Just Get Famous

You read the title of this post and you immediate think of social value. Although it is related, raising your social value isn’t what I am getting at. I get the feeling that men don’t realize that they can get women simply by taking something that they are interested in, and then taking it to the next level. The next level meaning that you gain enough attention from it that you start to get followers.

Back when I first started blogging in the mid-00s, one of the unintentional side effects was that I started to have women reach out to me. It originally didn’t even start out as a game blog. I was just writing about my college nights out with friends. It turns out that there were women out there that were just interested in my shenanigans. Women started emailing me, randomly adding me on Facebook, and friends started introducing me to women they knew. Even women in my social circle started to become fans because they would always comment on something I wrote.

This didn’t happen because I was some kind of Z-list celebrity. It happened because there were some women that were just genuinely fans. There were also women that shared similar interests, whether it was writing, partying, or talking about relationship dynamics. As long as I was consistent, the women continued to randomly show-up, especially back when I had a public social media presence.

If you are consistent about something, and start to somewhat make a name for yourself, the women will come. It’s all a matter of picking an interest, consistently updating, and spreading your content or brand everywhere that you can. If your content is even halfway decent, you will start to get followers, especially if it is an area that not a lot of people are covering already.

Almost every subject or topic that you can think of has it’s fans. Women with similar interest or an affinity for your type of content will eventually reach out. You might not be swimming in women, and they might not be models, but they’re there. Sometimes, women just want a man that can display that he is passionate about something, and becoming known or famous for a particular subject is how you display it. When it comes to attracting women, it’s better to be known for something weird, crazy, or even against social norms, than it is to not be known at all.

There’s A Maturity Problem

There are many reasons mentioned as to why guys can’t get laid or find a woman, but I have never seen maturity mentioned. It’s interesting, because this generation of men in general just aren’t where they should be in life, both mentally and physically. No one wants to mention the elephant in the room: men just aren’t the men that women have the right to expect them to be, and a complete lack of success has nothing to do with game or looks.

To give you an example, in college, a friend and I had slept with right around the same number of women, but by the time we had reached our early thirties, I had completely left him in the dust. While we both were the type of college guy that women pursued, he never evolved past that. He was still living in the same kind of apartment, held many of the same views and opinions, and even works the same job he worked in college. His life, both mentally and physically, just stopped evolving once he reached his early twenties, while I am not the same party boy that many of you read about in my old college stories.

One thing really stuck out to me when I was dating in my early thirties. I had more than one woman say that I was the youngest guy that she dated and that they normally dated much older men. I had the successful career of an older man, the personality of an older man, and views of an older man. I wasn’t cracking the same kinds of jokes that I was in college, dressing the same, drinking the same, or behaving the same. I was just much more mature all around.

When you look at many of the men who can’t get laid at all, it is clear that they aren’t where they should be at that point in life. Many have an almost boyish or childlike demeanor to them. I even see this in some of the blog and forum comments. I can immediately tell that I am reading comments of an immature guy without ever having met him. And it’s no coincidence that the men most affected seem to be late-millienials and zoomers (generation z). These are the generations with helicopter parents that handicap the maturity of boys, and they continue their child-like behaviors much longer than they should. How many men in their late twenties look like adult teenagers with colored hair and piercings, speak as if they’re speaking to their parents and without authority, beg for handouts, work teenage or college jobs, are afraid of risk, and have no nuance to their behavior, opinions, or views?

Why is it that some not-so-good-looking men are able to find women, while others can’t even get a whiff of perfume? There’s a maturity problem among these latest generations of men. How can we expect women to be attracted to men when men are still very boyish and haven’t evolved to where they should be in life like the generations before them? Are women really the problem when today’s men aren’t holding up their end of the bargain?

Where Most People Screw-Up

I’m pretty sure that most of you know that college students drop-out at a rate of around 40%. This doesn’t even include people that change out of difficult majors. The huge bulk of these people figure that if they can’t be great at the career they are pursuing, then they are better off dropping it or switching into a career where they can shine. That is one of the dumbest careers moves that a person can make.

The reality of the situation is that you are far better off being a complete mediocre student and worker in a high-paying, in-demand, career field, than you are being a superstar in a career that isn’t. One thing that blew me away as I gained more career experience, is the sheer number of complete dumbasses in high-paying jobs, and the high number of screw-ups that kept failing their way back into well-paying position after position.

These people had somehow struggled their way through college, and in some cases, even dropped out, but because these idiots kept pursuing a certain career field, with or without a complete college degree, they kept landing high-paying positions. Why? Employers will take chances on people from in-demand backgrounds, even if they are bottom of the barrel. Maybe not Google or the CIA, but most employers will be so desperate for workers that they will give almost anyone a shot that knows how to speak the lingo and appears to have somewhat of a related background.

Even if you are a superstar in a low-demand field, you can be replaced within the snap of a finger. This means low wages and extreme competition for any decent job; think struggling adjunct professors with graduate degrees. On top of that, you will almost never make as much as screw-ups that chose to pursue the right career field. Back before I switched careers, nothing was more frustrating to me than seeing complete idiots making 2-3 times as much money as me because I didn’t have the right educational background or know how to speak the lingo.

Fact is, your success in life isn’t necessarily about who you know or how smart you are. It’s really about the career field you choose to pursue, even if you struggle and are a complete idiot. You’re better off struggling your way through a high-paying career or insanely hard college major, even if you graduate at the bottom of your class and your peers see you as an idiot. If your career and background are in high enough demand, employers will take chances on you, pay you a high salary because they have no other options, and you’ll continue to fail your way to success.

Before The Party Dies Down

Rookies usually aren’t aware of their rookie mistakes. They think they’re being smooth, and don’t realize that people know what they’re doing, or they have created problems that could have easily been avoided. One such rookie mistake is not leaving with a girl before the party dies down.

One thing that I gained a reputation for, is leaving with a girl out of the blue. It’s kind of a running joke among my friends and they use to always laugh and grill me for it. I’ll be at a party or nightclub for five or ten minutes, and then speed out with a girl. There was reasoning behind my logic. If a girl was clearly into me, then why wait for a new problem to present itself?

Most men will wait until the party or nightclub is dying down to try to make their big move with a girl and leave or sleep with her, but why is it a mistake? First of all, it can be awkward. The move you’re making almost feels forced and the girl can see it coming from a mile away. If she feels that she needs to think about it, there is no time for her to come back to you and give you the go ahead, because it’s the end of the night. If you make your move earlier, even if she isn’t sure yet, there is plenty of time in the night for her to change her mind.

Next, other guys are watching both you and her like a hawk when the night is winding down. Not only might another guy beat you to the punch, but he may also try to block you from leaving with her. He may even try to decide to tag along to keep the party going. And her friends may try to block you out of nowhere, because they know that people hook-up at the end of the night. Everyone is hyper-aware when the night is winding down, and have their cock-blocks locked and loaded.

When you become experienced, you will realize that the best thing to do is avoid easily avoidable problems. You can avoid one of said problems by making your move or leaving much sooner in the night than anyone is expecting; while they’re not really paying attention. There are many more obstacles at the end of the night than there are while the party is still going. Smart men know when to leave. Be one of them.

Black Men Can’t Be Local

As a successful black guy, with both women and my career, one of the things that I’ve come to realize, is that if you want to be successful and happy, then you can’t really be local. You have to think in terms of being national and even international. The chances of you finding happiness with both your career and women on a local level are slim.

I’m not going to get into all of the race issues, but here are a number of things you will face:

  • No other blacks on your team or in the office, leading to an uncomfortable work environment, no one you can relate to, and maybe even having to change your personality to fit in.
  • No local black friends because of the income disparity between you and other black men; will either mooch off of you or be unable to afford to do the things you do.
  • The pool of local dateable women into black men being too small (even counting successful black women); I’m talking more than just sex.
  • No one to really advocate for you; long uphill battles trying to get employed, promoted, and constantly having to prove your worth.
  • Women that are genuinely into you (not just OMG BBC), but families that will try to pressure her to break it off.

There are women that are genuinely into black guys and families who are accepting. There are also other successful black guys out there that you can relate to. And there are employers that have more than just one token black person. You’re probably not going to find them locally, but they exist if you’re willing to cast a wider net and network and date on a national and international level.

Most of my black friends live in different cities. I had to work for a company in a different city before I truly felt comfortable. And almost every woman that I genuinely clicked with and felt fully accepted by was in a different city, state, or country; these same women are also willing to travel for a successful black man. If you’re black and trying to stay local, then you are severely crippling yourself, if not with success, then definitely with happiness.

You Can Always Just Leave

Over the years, I’ve seen people get completely stuck in life. They never take jobs that they think are below them and they never date or sleep with women that don’t meet their standards. These individuals stay in dead-end careers or never truly become successful with women.

When you look at the root cause, it’s mainly because they never gain experience, and they never gain insight on why they aren’t successful. You will often see these same individuals take on a very negative and dark take on employers and/or women. They feel trapped and locked out from good jobs and the dating market.

These individuals come up with all kinds of excuses like “I’m not working for low pay or taking a step down, even if the experience is relevant” or “I’m never sleeping with an ugly chick, even if I haven’t been laid in months or years”, and they fail to see more than a few feet in front of them. They can see the success that they want, but completely ignore what it takes to get there. It’s not that taking a low-paying job or dating an ugly girl will magically get them there, but these experiences grant them opportunity, insight, and experience to move on to greener pastures.

I remember when I slept with my first college girl. She wasn’t up to the standards of women I dated and slept with back in high school, but after I slept with her, I started getting laid left and right. It made me realize a few things: my standards were too high, I wasn’t as confident as I thought I was, I now had personal experience on what actually worked, hot girls weren’t as plentiful as I imagined in my head, and more importantly, I could always take what I learned and move on to the next girl.

No matter how much you think you know about yourself and success, without actual experience, it all means nothing. When we were all kids, we thought we knew everything there was to know and you couldn’t tell us that we were wrong. It’s not until you are an experienced adult that you realize how childish and out of touch with reality you were. Experience is what will catapult you, and even if you don’t like your situation that you’re gaining experience with, you can always just leave. Even if you leave, at least you will still have more experience than had you remained stubborn and stuck in your ways.

Women Don’t Really Have Options

There is this narrative out there that women have endless options when it comes to men. Men who say this don’t really understand how women work. They think that women who reject them are really just holding out for Chad. Women are really just holding out for a decent man that they are familiar with, even if he has minor flaws here and there.

I’m going to tell you something that I eventually figured out. If you are a half-decent guy, with no major flaws, you can get almost any woman within your social circle. Not because of game, not because of money or looks or whatever, but because women don’t really have the options that you think they do. Women who are receptive to cold approaches and online dating are in the minority.

Men think that women only go for Chads because that’s what it would take for them to be responsive to men outside of the usual circumstances and avenues. The rules of the game change once a woman is familiar with you. When women think of their dating options, they are really only thinking in terms of men that they are connected with, whether closely or loosely. This could be a social circle, or this could be a guy that chats her up when she occasionally runs into him.

Going back to what I figured out, although I got rejected by a lot of women that I was connected to in one way or another, almost all of them came around and later dated, slept with, or openly hit on me. Usually, when you are connected to a woman, and run into her multiple times, rejection usually means “not right now” and not “never”. It’s almost like they need time to think about it, become a little more familiar with you, or wait on their current romantic interest to drop back.

If you are a decent guy with no major flaws, you will almost win by default, even if you are rejected on more than one occasion by a girl within your social circle. Why? Because most women don’t respond to cold approaching and online dating, and deal exclusively with men that they are familiar with. From my experience, there are only one or two men openly showing interest in a girl from within a social circle. In those scenarios, you just have to continue to openly express your interest and just wait for your turn. Eventually, the interest will be reciprocated, and you will get your shot.

You Shouldn’t Expose Your Women

I think that every guy will experience losing a woman to another man. Whether this is right after a woman initially shows interest or a long-term relationship partner, it happens all the time. Sometimes men are completely surprised by it, while other times, they can see it coming from a mile away, especially if the woman is known to be promiscuous. Exposing your woman to other men, at any point in the relationship or interaction is one of the dumbest things that you can do.

The woman can appear to be a complete saint or completely into you, and the next thing you know, she is flirting or running off with another man. There’s a reason why certain cultures minimize exposure of their women to other men. And no, it’s not because all women are promiscuous. It’s because it is in human nature to seek out multiple mates, and on top of that, all it takes is one small mistake, one glass of alcohol, one bad argument, one right place at the right time, or one guy applying pressure to a woman who gives into it for her to cheat or leave the man she is with.

It happened to me on more than one occasion. I constantly had to swat men away from my ex-wife, and eventually, she gave in…to a woman. I also had an ex sleep with one of my friends because she was tired of putting up with my crap. And I have had women monkey-branch from friends to me. This type of thing happens all of the time, regardless of the type of woman she is. Sometimes there’s a good reason for it, and sometimes there isn’t. Sometimes she’s just promiscuous, and sometimes, it really is an honest mistake due to men circling around waiting for the perfect time to strike, especially when they know that the relationship isn’t in a good place at that particular moment.

Circling back to your friends and male family members, I wouldn’t trust them around your woman either. On multiple occasions, I have seen or heard about women cheating on men with their friends and family members. I almost never bring my wife around my friends that aren’t in relationships. Nor do I tolerate exes, male friends, or any guy messaging or being in contact with my wife.

Some guys will say that “You’re just being insecure”, but why take on an unnecessary risk that can almost always be easily avoided? I have seen what happens when you always try to play it cool and act like you don’t care, and it doesn’t always go the way that you’re expecting it to, no matter how secure you happen to be in the relationship or interaction. It’s not about being controlling or insecure. It’s about mitigating unnecessary risks in your relationship; nipping those one-on-one type interactions with other men right in the bud. You have absolutely nothing to gain by exposing your girlfriend or wife to other men.

Competing With A Better Man

There is a major flaw in the seduction community: it assumes that you can directly compete against other men. Even Alpha Male Other Guy stratagems are a joke. Has anyone really ever successfully taken a girl from a better man during a cold approach and slept with her? If you are in any environment with more than a handful of obviously better men around, then you simply are wasting your time because you won’t be able to compete, outside of some once in a blue moon fluke combined with being in the right place at the right time.

The reality of the situation is that the only way to compete with better men is to join or befriend them. The best way is to simply hang around better or more attractive men. You will get laid, especially if the guy is super attractive. He will always have more women than he can handle and you’ll get some of those women from time to time just by being around him. So many guys got laid just hanging around me. They knew I was taking women home, and that there would be one or two that I wasn’t going to sleep with.

You can also compete with better men by simply poaching women from him. Women always sleep with and monkey-branch to men that are associated with the guy that they are dating or sleeping with. You see this happen all the time. Woman gets mad or feels ignored, and she sleeps with or starts dating one of his friends. Not the most honorable strategy, but it works. Happened to me on a couple of occasions when I was ignoring a girl or treating her like crap, and looking back, I just kind of laugh at it because I had it coming.

If you think about not-so-bad-looking incels for a moment, ever wonder why they don’t get laid, while other lesser attractive men do? Incels have no friends, or at least not any attractive friends. They have no way to get laid because they either won’t or can’t socialize with the better men that they are attempting to compete with. The men who do, get laid or a girlfriend from time to time. It’s a somewhat extreme example, but think about the entourage that follows the popular guy around. Do any of those guys not get laid?

Men love the seduction community because they think that it gives them the tools to compete with better men. It doesn’t. There are only two realistic strategies that work in the real world: mate poaching when the opportunity presents itself, and getting the extra women that the better guy discards or has no time for. And you only get those opportunities by befriending the better man; not by trying to directly compete against him.

Are You Being Realistic?

In your head, you’re probably thinking: “I just want a decent-looking woman that is feminine, has no financial or drug issues, is educated, isn’t a gold digger, cooks, cleans, has no baggage, etc. Is that so much to ask for?”. Yes. Yes, it is too much to ask for. Just because your list is simple doesn’t mean that it exists or is realistically obtainable.

One of the important life lessons that you will eventually learn as an adult, is that just because what you want is simple, doesn’t mean that it is out there at a price that you are willing to pay. Something doesn’t have to be top-tier in order for it to be rare and hard to get. Very simple things can also be rare and difficult to obtain once you start packaging different simple desires together.

Anyone that has ever purchased a house or new car can attest to that. You go in with this list of very simple features you would like, and then you come to the slow realization that it doesn’t exist. You eventually learn that you have to focus on the big things that are very important to you, and learn to live with something that has flaws and might not have the majority of everything that you wanted. Searching for dateable women is no different.

At some point, you’re going to have to start trading off one feature or desire for another, even if all of your desires are simple. When it comes to women, men who romanticize the good-ol days when women were the total package always sweep the bad things under the rug when talking about it, just like everything else. I’m not saying it’s impossible to get the total package, but that usually involves luck, quickly moving-in early, and realizing that you have a pretty good deal and not focusing on the minor flaws.

Want a hot girl? Then she’ll probably have a kid. Want a feminine woman? Then she’ll probably rely solely on you for income. Want a rich girl? Then she’ll probably be unattractive. That’s just life. At some point, you have to figure out what’s really important to you and just go for it. Just because the features you want in a woman are simple and not top-tier, doesn’t mean that they aren’t rare. A simple house without flaws is just as difficult to obtain as a multi-million dollar mansion. I won’t say that the perfect woman doesn’t exist, but I do have to ask, that even if she does, are you being realistic?