Decent Money Is Incredibly Underrated

It is no secret that I make six-figures. What most of you don’t know, is that at one point in the old blog, I was incredibly poor and living with my parents. In other words, I got to see the entire spectrum of the effects of having no money all the way up to being upper-middle class. As a result, one thing that I really have to emphasize, is the incredible effects that money will have on your dating and sex life.

We all know that social skills, having a social life, and appearances are important, but all of those pale in comparison to the effects that money have. Assuming that you are an average-looking guy with average social skills, I would say that money will have a 10x, 20x, heck, even 30x+ multiplier on your dating and sex life. I’m talking results. Not attraction, not phone numbers, and not almost getting laid. Results. And no, you’re not reading that wrong.

When I was broke, even if I did have the looks and social skills with a lot of friends, I put in a lot of work to get laid once or twice per month. A lot of attraction, a lot of phone numbers, but realistically, I could only sleep with a new girl every 2-3 weeks; putting in full effort. When I started making good money, and not even six-figures, I couldn’t keep up with the women. You saw the pics in older posts with women constantly messaging and texting me. I had to cut women off, and go on 2-3 dates per night. I could easily get laid on demand.

But why? Is it just gold diggers? No. Not having money just created so many obstacles and roadblocks, including:

-Women losing interest when they saw my piece of crap car.

-Not having money to get a taxi to and from bars and my place.

-Having roommates that scared away more accomplished women expecting me to have my own place.

-Having to constantly watch how much money I was spending on drinks.

-Saying “no” to social activities because I couldn’t afford them.

-Payday being too far away to pay for “x”.

-Coming up with excuses when invited over by women because I couldn’t afford gas to go over there, didn’t have a car, or was afraid I would have to spend money I didn’t have.

-Avoiding long-distance women because I couldn’t afford to fly out or afraid my car would breakdown.

-Not being able to afford a private hotel room when traveling, so I didn’t have anywhere to take women I met in bars when out of town.

-Not feeling confident when my clothes and shoes were old and I couldn’t afford new ones.

-Not being able to afford to go on dates.

-Having to choose between dinner for the week or dates that might not go anywhere.

-Losing interest from women when they found out my occupation.

-Having to figure out a way to get a girl to take me to her place because I was living with my parents.

-Having to explain why I lived with my parents when I was doing so.

All of that stuff and more just snowballed to work against me every step of the way. You have to be incredibly good-looking or incredibly social to overcome those obstacles on any kind of consistent basis if you don’t have money, and even then, you’re still going to work hard. Money opened the door for opportunities and got rid of obstacles. Not only did it give me more opportunities, but it made my confidence go through the roof, and my willingness to take on risks.

Money had a much more dramatic effect on my results than anything else ever did. And I’m not even talking six-figures or being some kind of rich millionaire; I was married when I started making six-figures. Yeah, some of that other stuff may have gotten me initial attraction, and even laid, but money changed the game. If you find yourself questioning what you should use your time to focus on, focus on the money. That will have the biggest multiplier on your dating and sex life. 10x. 20x. 30x+. It. Changes. The. Game.

Getting In Front Of Women

What comes after you gain basic common sense type knowledge with women? You already know about self-improvement and simply escalating, but what else? What if none of those things are getting you any kind of results, especially if you are already a decent-looking guy with a stable job? What should your strategy be at that point?

If you’ve got most of the above down, then there’s really only one thing you can do that is going to yield any kind of significant results. And that is simply getting in front of women. Not just in front of women, but in front of women with as little male competition as possible. That is a feat that is easier said than done.

Regardless of who you are, I can pretty much take an educated guess that most of you are going to the same dating apps, the same three or four bars on one or two strips of road, the same two or three big daygame locations in your city, and doing the same social activity over and over again. Men who are pursuing women are pursing the same ten to twenty percent of women that other men are. Just because you’re going after low-hanging or average fruit in nightclubs and dating apps doesn’t change this fact if only a small percentage of women in your city are in those places to begin with.

Throughout my dating life, I would say that one of the biggest surprises to me was how many women weren’t on dating apps, didn’t go to nightclubs, and almost never frequented your typical big daygame locations. Most women more or less stayed home when they weren’t at work, and they had maybe one or two social activities like crossfit or charity work. You basically had almost no chance of running into these women, so the only way to meet them was if you constantly changed your routine and randomly ended-up in a situation to meet them.

The vast majority of single women don’t congregate in these huge groups for you to meet them. The more likely scenario is that they’re in some small group activity or with one or two friends out doing something random like hiking. If you want to be successful, you have to get into the habit of constantly changing up your social routine just to get in front of them. Getting a lot of women from mass gatherings of them isn’t realistic for most men. In reality, you have to get one woman from this small gathering of friends you barely know, that odd social activity with five or six members; this random class, or just places where you really weren’t expecting to or in the right mindset to meet women.

Corner The Market

Everyone knows that if you’re trying to secure any type of attraction from women, then you need to focus on looks, money, and status. There are men that do this and still don’t really get anywhere with women. For some men, no matter how they improve those areas, there are too many other men that have the same exact idea, and the dating market is just flooded with too much competition.

You see this in major cities that have a lot of money going around, you see it in parts of town where it looks like most men spend a considerable amount of time in the gym, and you see it where every guy is some type of “boss”, “hustler”, or artist. Even if you are trying your hardest to improve, you can still end up with nothing, but is there anything else you can do to make yourself stand-out from the crowd?

Yes. You can corner the market. I did this in high school when I was one of the only decent-looking “smart” black guys, I did this in college when I behaved and dressed like one of the only “fratty” black guys, I did this when I was one of the only prominent bloggers on campus, and I even did this by being one of the only educated black guys online making a decent income; doing a reverse search on a dating website, I could see that I was one of three black guys making $50k or more per year with a least a bachelor’s degree.

I even knew guys that did something similar. A couple of Asian friends that got girls because they behaved and dressed like thuggish black guys, a weird average-looking black guy with a questionable number of tattoos and piercings that started his own local rock band, an Indian guy that looked like a hardcore gangster and behaved like a frat boy, and even pick-up artists before it became mainstream. All of these guys had girls not because of social status or looks or money, but because they had cornered the market. They went left, when other guys like them were going right, even if it made them seem a little out of place among their peers.

These guys, and I, figured out that you don’t need to be the best guy when it comes to looks, money, or status. We figured out that if you corner a market, and become one of the only guys around in it, even if you’re somewhat of an oddball, the women will follow simply because there are no other choices. You don’t need to be the best when you can be the only.

Time To Pump The Brakes

If you’re successful, at some point in your life, you will find yourself hopping from girl to girl, job to job, car to car, or whatever. You’ll have a feeling that something just isn’t right. Maybe what you have just isn’t as great as what you thought it would be, or maybe there is something better out there that just keeps eluding you(?).

Sometimes, boredom is a sign that you should move on, because you aren’t living up to your potential, or you’re better than whatever your current situation may be presenting to you. If you move on, and keep finding yourself in this scenario no matter how much you improve yourself, then there’s a good chance that you’ve reached the peak of what’s realistically available. You now have to face the reality that it just doesn’t get better than your current situation.

At first, it sounds like a depressing thought to contemplate. It doesn’t get better? What? It’s not something to get depressed over. It simply means that you have reached your realistic full potential. At that point, it’s better to just pump the brakes and switch your mindset and expectations from expecting better, to learning to appreciate what you have and smiling at the thought that you are one of the few people that managed to achieve their potential.

I went through this with the car I drive, my current job, and my wife. When I broke up with my wife (girlfriend at the time), for a few days is when I realized it. I broke up because I was always chasing “better” without appreciating what an amazing women she is. Instead of appreciating her, I was busy chasing some fantasy phantom woman in my head that simply doesn’t exist. I drive a luxury car and wanted a “better” one, and I also had the same thoughts about my six-figure job that provides amazing insurance, benefits, vacation time, and people I loved working with.

At some point, you have to stop, gather your thoughts, and realize that you are being unrealistic about what is achievable. And it’s not something that comes easy. It takes serious mental work to realize that you are chasing phantoms of what you perceive to be “better”. If you find yourself constantly getting bored no matter how much you improve or switch out what you have, it’s time to pump the breaks, and better utilize your time by learning to appreciate what’s in front of you, and maybe move on to improving a completely different aspect of your life.

I Wouldn’t Do It Again

Some men who bloomed later in life or had to settle for women at an older age often complain about missing out on sex and women when they were younger. You’ll also hear people say that they don’t regret their past. The first group assumes that life would have been better if they didn’t miss out, and the second group will always refuse to admit that mistakes were made in their past.

I had the wild crazy sex in my teens, 20s, and early 30s, and I have to say that as much as I enjoyed it at the time, I wouldn’t do it again. If I could do it all over, I would have gotten married young, and skipped out on the partying and wild sex. Yes, I do sometimes read my old stories that I have stored away, smile, and think about old times, but I wouldn’t go back to them.

Why wouldn’t I go back? Because outside of the usual “It built me into who I am today” drivel that people like to spout, I have nothing positive to show for it. The women? Gone. The sex I had? Gone. The friends I had then? Gone. The money and time I spent partying? Gone. There is nothing left. Sure, life wouldn’t have been as exciting, but I could have spent that time and money raising children sooner, putting time into relationships and friendships that actually mattered in the long run, concentrating on school, and just building on things that would have lasted in the long-term.

Not to say that you can’t do those things when you are young, but it is infinitely more difficult to do when you’re out partying and sleeping with random women. The fact of the matter is that once you are married and have children, your mindset changes, and you start to take your career, finances, and relationships more seriously. You also have a tendency to spend your time and money on things that actually matter in the long run.

Am I saying that you should stop partying, sleeping with random women, and become a married shut-in? No. I am saying that in the long run, it isn’t worth it. If I could do things differently, I would have chosen my friends more carefully, tried to stick with one woman, and drastically cut down my partying to maybe once every month or two. Not all is what it seems in “Chad” land.

Get While The Getting’s Good (Part 2)

A couple of days ago, I put up a post about how you should push for new skills and more money while your industry or job is hot; never letting yourself get too comfortable just because you make good money and like your job. Well, today, I ran into this post on Reddit, which is one of the exact scenarios that I warned about:

Realize You’re Living In Luxury

Every now and then, you see a post by a millennial complaining about their income and how poor they are because the cost of everything is so high. And eventually, one of the old heads will comment on how millennials see luxuries as necessities, only to be screeched at. You know what? As much as millennials refuse to admit it, those old heads are right. You will find that you have a lot more money to spend if you started seeing luxuries as luxuries, and managed your finances better. To give you an idea, in spite of making six figures, here are some of the things I’ve done to reduce my costs:

-I still have the same old broken smart phone with a cracked screen.

-I am on a cheap discount phone plan. I pay maybe $30 for my cellular coverage.

-I have one cheap streaming service and that’s it.

-Wife paid in cash for her college degrees. And yes, she worked and didn’t have money from family; she just poured every penny into college.

-I can afford a Los Angeles or Washington D.C., but I stay in a smaller city to keep housing costs low.

-I stay in the same city as my extended family to help manage childcare expenses, even though I can afford daycare.

-My computer is around ten years old.

-I do have a luxury car, but my next car won’t be.

-I do stay in an expensive neighborhood, but my house costs about half of the price of what I can actually afford.

-My wife and I have one car payment versus the two that many have.

-We furnished most of our house by going to yard sales in nice neighborhoods versus buying brand new right out of the gate.

-I married a woman with a college degree and who is willing to work. I do not have the luxury of a stay at home wife; most will want to keep staying home even after children enroll in school.

-I eat leftovers for lunch and rarely go out to eat for my work meals.

-We make coffee at home versus going to Starbucks.

-We go out to eat at nice restaurants maybe 2-3 times per year. And by “nice”, I’m talking IHOP.

Anyhow, you get my point. Not to say that milliennials don’t have genuine issues, but a lot of what they consider normal and necessary are indeed luxuries.

Positives Rarely Outweigh The Negatives

One thing that readers sometimes like to point out is the fact that I am tall. Some also take a look at my results, and try to label me a great-looking guy, because only a great-looking guy should be able to get the results that I did. Men like to think that you need to be exceptional in one or more areas to get women, but the truth is that you can get women without being an exceptional guy.

Then what does it take to consistently get women? Having very few negative things about you. I didn’t get women because I am tall or exceptional. I got them because it was difficult for women to find anything negative about me. Think about how you may look at what you ask of women for a moment. You don’t say you need a hot girl. You usually speak in terms of not wanting the girl to be fat, not wanting a gold digger, not wanting a woman with kids, etc.

In other words, you are okay with an average girl as long as she doesn’t have any major flaws. Women think the same way when it comes to men. When you look at most men struggling with women, they struggle because they have major flaws. They don’t get women not because they aren’t ripped, but because they are fat. Not because they aren’t rich, but because they are broke. Not because they don’t have charismatic personalities, but because they are creepy or anti-social. You get my point.

Even if you have great things going for you, negative things about you can seriously hurt your chances with women. I had two great-looking white friends, who were both 6’4″, and absolutely struggled with women because they were dumber than a box of rocks. And I had women who were into me right up until the point that they found out I was broke, living with my parents, or driving a piece of crap car.

You can have everything going for you, and one major flaw can destroy your chances with women. You don’t need to be a great-looking guy, be rich, charismatic, or super tall to get women. You just have to focus on eliminating your major flaws. In the case of women, with the exception of rare cases, like being a model or millionaire, negative things about you will hurt you far more than anything positive will help you.

Get While The Getting’s Good

One recurring theme that I’ve seen throughout my life is people getting good paying jobs, and then letting themselves get comfortable. They’re making great money, know how to do their jobs well, and see no reason to take another job that pays better or provides them with even more employable skills. Maybe they don’t want more responsibility, maybe they don’t want to be the new person, or maybe they think that they’re just in a perfect situation with their current job.

I’ll tell you what I’ve seen happen to the majority of those people. They get fired, the industry changes and their skills are no longer valued or needed, or they take a significant paycut just to stay employed. You see this happen over, and over, and over again. All these people can do is smile, daydream, and tell stories about how they use to make great money back in the day before the industry changed or their body gave-in on them.

It is for those reasons that you need to get while the getting is good. For example, I throw a huge chunk of my money towards my debts, planning for the eventuality that demand for my skills may drop at some point. I also make sure that I don’t get complacent, and keep an eye out for jobs that offer higher pay, and more importantly, the ability to gain more skills that will keep me employed in the future, even if I do love my current job that is paying me very well.

If you have a great job, now is the time to be seeking more money and searching for jobs that will give you even more employable skills. This should be done with trying to future-proof yourself against a downturn in your industry versus the people that let themselves get complacent, in addition to also getting as much money as possible to pay down debts and/or save in case there is no longer a need for your skills or you have to take a significant paycut in order to remain employed.

A fair amount of old people that you see working in retail had great paying jobs at some point. Some of those guys in their 40s and 50s who can’t work or can’t find employment also had great paying jobs at some point. And some of the homeless had great paying jobs, only to find themselves replaced by the young. Get as much money as you possible can while the getting is good, even if you love your current job that is paying you well, because there’s a good chance that your opportunity to do so won’t last forever.

Know When To Give-Up

When it comes to self-improvement, you will often hear people giving out advice such as changing just one more thing, working just a little harder, or trying a new technique. I have even been known to do this. What often isn’t said, is that sometimes, you just have to know when to give-up when it comes to self-improvement or certain life aspirations.

The decision to just give-up is often not an easy decision to make. You’ll go back and forth and won’t be able to decide what to do. No scenario seems like it has a better outcome over the other. Of course there is potential, but said potential isn’t guaranteed and it might come with life changing risks or massive amounts of wasted time that you’ll never get back.

I’ll give you a couple of examples. I’ve always wanted a big family. We already have healthy kids. As old as we are, is it really worth the risk of having a disabled child, seeing that the risk rises with the age of the parents? I’ve also always wanted to be a computer programmer, but I absolutely hate math and don’t really have the time to dedicate to school again.

Could I make both scenarios work? Absolutely. But are the risks or sacrifices worth it? For various reasons, it just makes better sense to let those aspirations go. I could force myself to go through grueling math classes that I hate and finesse my schedule to go back to school. I also could get every prenatal medical test possible to ensure healthy non-disabled children. It’s a tough decision, but knowing the risks or effort required, I just had to give-up.

Sometimes, you just have to say: “I don’t care what the reason is, or how I can do this or that to ensure success, but it’s time for me to give-up.”. It’s not an excuse to be lazy or give-up on everything you try. It’s a decision to say that your efforts are better off invested elsewhere, and maybe you’ll try to find happiness or success in a different aspect of your life. It takes more effort to come to that conclusion than it does to keep pushing through with an effort that probably isn’t worth it.